This week, a parent told me that his child was leaving the program. The child in question was promoted in February to Orange Belt with a Black Stripe, and if you know anything about PowerKenpo, you know that the Black Stripe indicates that a student has moved up to a higher level of training. A commitment to black belt has been made, and it also includes a 1 year commitment to train. As often happens, the conversation did not go well; in fact, the parent made posts on Facebook that I felt misrepresented the conversation and what I said. Fortunately, though, our entire conversation was done in email, and I felt like the things I said really expressed some things that I feel strongly about. So with that in mind, and with his permission, I’ve posted the email thread below. To read it properly, you should scroll to the bottom and read up. Some of this will be going out in different ways, because I like how it came out, but this blog will put it all in context.
>>>>Scroll to the bottom and read up to get the thread in order.
I’ll make this easy for you. Ask your kid what it means. He should be able to tell you. If you weren’t paying attention, I’m pretty sure he was.
People tell me that their kids don’t understand what taking the stripe means. Then, I walk up in front of the class and ask, and everyone knows. We hit this hard in class because making commitments, setting goals, and meeting them is part of the program. There’s nothing particularly special about any of this if it just happens randomly; and when a kid takes the black stripe, powers through the difficult spots, and achieves the next belt, that’s special.
And the lesson? Yeah, the lesson is to meet your commitments. It’s pretty simple. I don’t want the belt back, I just want anyone who takes the black stripe to do what they committed to do. I’m very specific in class and in testing about what the black stripe means, and it drives me crazy when people come back later and insist that they didn’t understand, that their child didn’t understand, or that, in some cases, they just don’t care because their kid is just a kid and if he or she gets bored or is having trouble getting to the next belt, then they should be able to walk away.
Not that this applies to your kid - he’s excited and enthusiastic when we do karate. He likes it. He’d do well if he came to class. I have no doubt that black belt is within his range.
Knowing what the belt means, though, I’m really surprised you want him to keep it as a trophy. Teaching him the lesson that if he’s not going to stay for a year, then swapping the belt for one that shows what he successfully did, seems to be worth way more than having a cool black stripe that he 1/ knows he didn’t earn or 2/ doesn’t understand what it means.
Down the road, if either of you want to do more, we’ll be here. Or you might want to find another studio and try something else. I’m moving towards more of the deeper meaning of training in the martial arts, not less. If I failed to get the message across to you or your kid about what we are doing or where we are going and what it means, then I apologize for not getting the job done. I’m a work in progress too.
Finally, I sent an email out a while back about the black stripe. You must have missed it - here it is if you’d like to read it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>
If you’ve watched class, or done class, you’ve heard us talk about the black stripe and what it means.
I can ask anyone, from Little Dragons to Adults, what it means, and I get two answers; It means you’re committed to Black Belt (or some varation of the wording) and it means you’ll stay for a year.
Walk into most karate schools, and good luck getting on the mat without signing up for at least a year. One karate studio in Carrollton does a great job sellling, and they get students to sign a 4 year contract when they start. They give you a 90 day cancellation, sometimes, but 90 days goes by fast and then you’re in. And no - they don’t care if you change your mind. You are paying whether you come to class or not. Either way, you have to walk in and make a decision about what to do with pretty limited information.
I don’t like doing sales in karate. I do plenty of that in other places, but I do karate because I like it. We don’t do a hard sell at PowerKenpo, and sometimes that means we lose some students to other studios. But I would rather have it that way. I like that our commitment is about more than money.
At PowerKenpo, you can walk on the mat and train, month to month, for as long as you want. When you move from belt to belt, when you get promoted, you have the opportunity to commit to Black Belt. Nobody has to do it, and we don’t put any pressure on to do it. It’s a personal decision, and if it’s not right for the student, then we don’t want them to commit.
In effect, we have two tiers of students; a group that has not yet decided to commit to Black Belt - they are still trying the program. And another group that has made a commitment and is more serious about the training. The students in the second group are long term - they have very little turnover and tend to move up - they are much more likely to get to Black Belt.
Having committed, though, the student gets to wear a special belt, with a Black Stripe. He or she gets to tell everyone there that a commitment has been made, and they are serious about getting to Black. They check a box and sign on their promotion form saying “I will get my Black Belt. I want to wear the Black Stripe on my belt to show my commitment to Black Belt to help inspire other students to do the same”.
They also sign the line that says: “I will attend at least two classes each week for the next year.”
For kids, the parent has to sign a line that says that their child “has convinced us that his/her commitment to Black Belt is real and we agree to support him/her on the journey by bringing him/her to at least two classes each week for the next year, and by encouraging and supporting him/her in classes and in practice.”
You can’t be committed to Black Belt day to day, or week to week. There will be times when you want to quit, or times when students and family just get busy, and it’s easy to drift away. Being committed gets you though the lows. Students wearing the Black Stripe are more likely to succeed than students who do not wear it, because they are more likelly to stick it out when things get tough.
There is no line in here that says “I will come twice a week unless I get bored, or tired, or I’m really busy, or can’t get to the next belt as easily as I would like.”
There is no line on the parent affirmation that says “If my child wants to quit, I’ll let him or her walk away from the commitment that they made. I mean, reallly - he or she is just a kid and shouldn’t be asked to commit to something like this”.
Tiger Woods understood commitment. Michelle Kwan understood commitment. Troy Aikman understood commitment. Nobody had to hold Emmit Smith’s hand and make him go to practice.
Nobody has to take the Black Stripe. I know some people do it because it’s a cooler belt than the other belt, but whatever reason gets them to commit, we expect, that, once the commitment has been made, that it will be kept. When someone takes the Black Stripe and then tries to walk away, I don’t tell them it’s ok, and I don;t try to make them feel good about them choosing to abandon that commitment to themselves, to the other students, to the instructors, and to the studio. They shouldn’t feel good about it; it’s a failure. In the case of kids, the parents have committed to supporting their child in committing to Black Belt, and have decided instead to support their child in breaking that commitment. There are better lessons to teach a child than that.
Very importantly, if we don’t demand that people who make the commitment to Black Belt follow through, then the commitment means nothing. The Black Stripe means nothing. We owe it to every student who has made that commitment, who is wearing the Black Stripe, to defend that symbol aggressively and demand that the people who wear it live up to the commitment that they have made..
We have 313 students. We see a certain amount of churn in students without the Black Stripe, as do all karate studios. We see very little churn once a student commits - in fact, only 5 students have ever broken their commitment to Black Belt since we started doing our program this way. That’s an incredibly small percentage - but every one is a failure, and every one hits hard.
Summer is coming up. Classes are going very well. Ed Parker will be here in June. We’ve had a great year so far, and it’s going to get better. If you, or your child, is on a plateau, talk to us and we’ll get them through it. If you are in class, stick with it. If you’ve been out for a while, this is a great time to get back in. If your kid is in class, think about signing up for the family class on Wednesday - even if it’s only for a month or two, you’ll gain skills and insight that will help you help them move ahead.
We’re adding a special class on Tuesday and Thursday, starting next week from 5:45 to 6:00PM, and on Saturday from 12:30 to 1:00PM, open only to students who have the Black Stripe on their belt. We’ll work on weapons, teaching and leadership, and advanced fighting skills.
—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxx1@yahoo.com [mailto:xxxxxx1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 25, 2009 8:32 AM
To: jim@powerkenpo.com
Subject: Re: PowerKenpo Invoice
There are a lot of things that I take seriously as well and my childs well being tops the list. I’m sorry Jim there must be a misunderstanding. I was not aware of any expectation either verbal or written, of the belt being returned if black belt, or even the next level was not attained, but that by buying the striped belt you were making the “commitment” to strive for the next level. And definitely not having your belt taken away if you did not make it. That would be difficult for a CHILD to understand and I have to question your judgement if you truly feel this is a positive teaching tool.
To lose your trophy because you decided that you were bored with the karate classes, or they weren’t active enough for his age group, or the classes that we wanted to take him to were over booked and too crowded to be effective, or he had a desire to play baseball, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, golf, or tennis? I don’t think that is fair and I won’t do that to him. He is a kid but he would remember that for a LONG time as a negative.
We are great parents and I don’t appreciate the implication that we or him “let anyone down” by leaving kenpo. That is not true and is extremely offensive. Similar to me saying that you are running a business and the more kids you have the better so you put the kids that do leave on a guilt trip, humilitate them by taking their belts away and making them feel like they “let everyone down” to increase the percentage of return students.
This won’t be happening to him.
.
Please keep my kid out of the loop on this. I don’t want this mentioned to him under any circumstance by anybody but me as I do not agree with the teaching.
He will be keeping his belt as is.
Thanks
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T
—–Original Message—–
From: “Jim Dryburgh”
Date: Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:09:48
To:
Subject: RE: PowerKenpo Invoice
There are some things we’ve been taking a lot more seriously lately. But maybe there’s a misunderstanding.
He certainly earned an orange belt. He did all the material for yellow and orange, and he did it in front of the class. There’s no question that he earned his orange belt.
But you can’t earn the black stripe. The belt looks backward - at what you did. The stripe looks forward, at what you are going to do. It says that he’s committed to staying in class, coming twice a week, getting his black belt, supporting all the other students who got their black stripes. It represents a promise to do something…and the problem is, that when you don’t do it, it becomes a symbol of failure. He promised to show up and didn’t. He committed ot getting a black belt, and did not. He promised to help other students with the black stripe get their black belts, and then he let them down.
For kids, it also shows a commitment by their parents to support them. No kid gets that stripe without having the parent step up and pledge support.
You had to check a box and sign this: Parent Affirmation: (My kid) has convinced us that his commitment to black belt is real and we agree to support him on the journey by bringing him to at least two classes each week for the next year, and by encouraging and supporting him in his classes and practice. And if it doesn’t happen, it becomes a reminder that the support was promised but not given.
Of course, he’s just a kid. He’ll probably forget that. But when I ask kids in class what the black stripe means, they know what it means. He definitely knew what it meant at the time he got the belt, and he knew what it meant when we discussed the black stripe in class last week. If he shows that belt to someone a year from now and they ask what the black stripe means, what should he say? That it means he made a commitment to black belt and failed?
I’ve got kids on the mat that want that stripe but aren’t taking it because the parental employment situation isn’t good, and they might not be able to continue, or might have to move. I’ve got kids where the parents are divorced and both parents aren’t supportive, and they are NOT taking the black stripe because they don’t know if they can keep the promise. They want it, but aren’t taking it because they know they might not be able to follow through. With that in mind, how can I not take it seriously?
Really though, knowing what that belt means, and what it represents if he stops, wouldn’t it be better if he brought it back and got one without the stripe?
As to the rest, those are good points. I missed time injured over the years and never asked for time back, because I was taking it seriously and supporting the school and sometimes being out hurt or unable to train because of work was part of it. I never felt that Rick Fowler should ignore things he thought were important just because I’d paid tuition to him or recommended his school to people. If I’d thought he would have done it, I’d probably have gone somewhere else.
I do appreciate any support you’ve provided over the years. I enjoyed working with you in class, and I was disappointed when you wandered away.
But karate isn’t for everyone, and people leave. Sometimes they come back - I’ve had half a dozen people come back since we started the family class.
Usually, though, people decide whether karate is right for them and it’s not, they leave and they’re done with karate for life.
—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxxx1@yahoo.com [mailto:xxxxxx1@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 24, 2009 5:26 PM
To: jim@powerkenpo.com
Subject: Re: PowerKenpo Invoice
Sure jim. As soon as you refund me all the classes I missed due to injury and still paid for. How about all of the people I referred to your school?
How about some. Appreciation for that? I have had nothing but great things to say about you and your school even regarding things I did not agree with, out of respect for you. My kid earned that belt, he is keeping that belt.
You are taking yourself way too seriously on this one.
——Original Message——
From: Jim Dryburgh
To: xxxxxx1@yahoo.com
ReplyTo: jim@powerkenpo.com
Sent: Jun 24, 2009 2:52 PM
Subject: RE: PowerKenpo Invoice
I don’t. But he got promoted to Orange with a Black Stripe on February 14th.
The commitment to get that stripe is one year of classes, twice a week. I talked to him at the time about it, and you signed the form agreeing to it.
If he;s quitting, and you’re not keeping that commitment, then I need that belt back.
—–Original Message—–
From: xxxxx@yahoo.com [mailto:xxxxx@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, June 24, 2009 1:19 PM
To: jim@powerkenpo.com
Subject: Re: PowerKenpo Invoice
Hey jim, we r taking our kid out of kenpo. Do u still need a check?
